Being Here Was The Point

One of my favorite things to do is go to my daughter's barrel races and rodeos.

We will travel hours to sit around for sometimes DAYS to watch her compete for approximately 15 seconds.

And I love it.

I genuinely look forward to it.

But sometimes all that sitting around gets to me.

There are a lot of hours when nothing really needs to be done. We are not doing something for the horse, prepping food or getting ready to do... anything.

We're just... there.

And apparently just being somewhere is sometimes very difficult for me. 😂

Yesterday, I started noticing what I was doing in all those little empty spaces.

I picked up my phone. Scrolled. Put it down. Picked it back up. Scrolled some more.

I was bored. Restless. And underneath that was this feeling that I should be doing something.

At one point I opened my email and, just on cue, read one reminding me that life is about being where your feet are. Slow down, be present in my body, quiet my mind and just BE.

And then I opened up another scroll hole. 😂

And yesterday I noticed I just felt blah.

I thought I would open up my computer and get some work done, but I had nothing. No inspiration. No ideas. I tried picking up where I'd left off on a couple projects and just felt lifeless.

Later that evening it was getting close to time for my daughter to run.

Which, in rodeo mom world, means a whole lot more standing around and waiting.

And apparently in Stacie world, standing around and waiting means more scrolling.

I even remember looking up at this gorgeous sunset and thinking, put your phone down and look at that.

So eventually I did.

I decided I was done with social media for the night.

No more touching your phone.

And it was actually a little uncomfortable.

I kept having the urge to pick my phone back up. Maybe because I was bored. Maybe because I was restless. Maybe because my brain knew there was a tiny little hit of something waiting for me if I just opened the app again.

Whatever it was, I could feel how much I wanted to fill the space.

This morning I woke up with the same intention. No scrolling.

And there it was again.

But what am I going to DO?

I made some coffee and opened a book.

I love to read, especially nonfiction, and I just sat there for a while reading and drinking my coffee.

And I started noticing the morning. The cool air. The sun. How beautiful it was outside.

I felt calm. Peaceful. Home.

Like nothing needed to be done.

Being here was the point.

Less than one chapter into that book, I wanted to write.

I opened my computer and the words were just there. Ideas. Inspiration. Gratitude.

I felt alive again.

Yesterday I had opened the exact same computer and had absolutely nothing to give.

And I started thinking about how much of the day before I had spent taking in everyone else's stuff.

Scrolling. Reading. Watching. Consuming.

Filling every empty space.

And then wondering why I couldn't hear anything from myself.

But I think there's something underneath even that for me.

Nothing needing to be done is uncomfortable for me because I have spent a lot of my life judging myself by what I do.

What did I get done?

What did I accomplish?

And when there is nothing to do, I get restless.

So I fill the space.

Yesterday I filled it with my phone.

And in doing that, I missed some of the exact life I had driven hours to be there for.

Time with my kid. What was happening around me. That beautiful sunset.

Even my own thoughts and ideas.

I drove hours to spend the weekend doing something I love. Watching my daughter do something she loves.

I was already exactly where I wanted to be.

Nothing else needed to happen.

Nothing needed to get done.

Being there was the point.

With you,

Still learning.
Still coming home.

— Stacie